A little about the core members of the family. The total tally varies, I'm not fully aware yet of everyone who lives in here and during the course of therapy some members might agree to fuse together and become one more complex being. I assume that we're currently around 30 distinct parts.
The simplest "splinters" of personality are not really "people" at all, they're more special states of being or a function that somehow ended up being separate from the rest. The two most obvious ones are the Navigator and Master Timekeeper.
I don't get lost all too often, I can drive a car (unlike some of the kids) and so I can get us from A to B just fine. The Navigator though can find the way to ANY place we've ever been to, he doesn't get lost, he always knows how long we gonna need to get somewhere. It is somewhat scary when I am deep in thought, look outside and realize, I have no clue where I am, where I'm going and how I got here. Then it takes a little effort to shift back into the calm, reassuring backseat and let the Navigator do his job.
Master Timekeeper often works together with Navigator to get us where we need to be. He will wake us up even before the alarm rings in the morning, will give us a shove towards the appropriate clothes and hustles us out the door and into the car before anyone who knows it's therapy day even fully woke up. Navigator will deposit us right at the doorstep and from there I know what to do. (Now I just wish they'd make me a coffee in the morning too, but no such service to be had. Maybe I should start a vote on the creation of a "Master Coffeemaker".)
More complex beings are vessels for memories that are too distressing to let flow freely. They don't usually interact with any one of the core family unless it's necessary. It hurts them to be among the "living" and they prefer to stay half-asleep in the dark.
The family running everyday business it pretty small. We're the most active, lively and complex personalities.
Guardian is a hunk of a guy, he looks intimidating but is absolutely great with the little ones. In case of an emergency he will get us out, that's his main job, bodyguard. He will also chop wood for me or do other physically demanding things, he's stronger than I am.
Mia is a girl from the dark side. It's pretty common to separate internal parts into light and dark ones. The darks tend to be in line with former abusers and think/act/feel like those people did. Mia is dark not by her own choice. She is the manifestation of all the bad expectations thrown at the original little girl. She is as mean, petty, greedy, violent, evil as people claimed she was to justify the things they inflicted on her. She's fighting it, tooth and nails, she's one of the bravest people I know. Of course, every human being is sometimes greedy and sometimes selfish, that's normal. But for her those normal moments in life mean that everything anyone ever blamed her for is real and they were right. It's a constant painful fight to grow beyond her programming and not give in to the lure of just giving up and BEING what she was blamed to be. She can sway from rage to deep despair in moments and there's not much I can do at the moment but hug and reassure her.
There is a young teenage boy, currently called "Matt" (the names change at times, many of us haven't cared to pick one yet, I didn't either, maybe when I'm older). He used to be dark-ish, teasing the little girls mercilessly, having "fun" making them cry. A former Speaker had enough at some point and grounded him for an indefinite amount of time until he got to his senses. He liked his room with TV and as much pizza as he wanted enough to actually come over and try out what life with the family is like. He now plays with the girls a lot and is quite the nice, protective big brother for them.
He's also the one who most readily takes over when I am just too groggy to do anything anymore. He sometimes volunteers to make dinner so I can rest or he takes the others for a walk and distracts the girls by pointing out flowers and bugs so they leave me alone for a bit.
The little girls range from about 3 to 8 years old. They're pretty cute actually, fun in their innocence and an enrichment with their still lively sense of wonder for the world.
They also make life quite hard at times. Many things that would be "normal" to a grown up shock them. They are easily triggered, easily scared, startle at any noise, and quite a few come with eating problems.
It's dangerous when I get worn out, and Matt gets worn out, then these children will run the show. They will do their very best, but a little child can't keep up with a job, or even just with basic life at home. One reason why I have to pace myself so carefully. With the little ones in charge the body will not be taken care of decently and we really can't afford to get ill or have the kitchen burnt down.
I'll skip over the real dark ones, cause they don't come to the surface very often anyways and prefer to stay away from us. The technical term for them is introjects, the mirrored images of abusers that got a life of their own. Therapy aims at defusing them and slowly making them part of the team.
Wolf is a non-human family member. Better not call her a "pet". She is wild, strong, very much the alpha female and has totally NO understanding for human mind games. When I try to explain some of the human pack rules to her she will often look at me sideways, lips curled in a half-snarl "Are you serious? Humans are so crazy..." and walk off. She's the most sobering influence you could ever wish for when caught in one of those thought spirals consisting of "should"s and "could"s and "maybe"s. She's not exactly gentle, she will just tell me that I'm being stupid and to stop it already, but hey, it works.
Leaves me, current Speaker in charge. I'm10 months old now, which for a Speaker is actually pretty decent. I take care of everyday life. I am the surface personality you would be speaking with if we met, I keep things half-ways consistent. Usually some family members sit at a small podium right behind me and speak with me, which I then translate into something the outside world should understand. If I start laughing like an idiot and there's no outside reason, assume someone inside made a bad joke again.
When alone I speak loudly with the inside. Sometimes that happens in company too, oops. Luckily people tend to assume I just talk with myself...
Representing to the outside, keeping peace on the inside, hunting for lost fragments of important memories, going to therapy, making sure everyone is well taken care of... it's a hard job. I like it, well, I am made to do it so they made me in a shape that would like the job, but it's pretty draining in the long run. The first Speaker to run the show when the other parts woke up again even handled a full-time job on top of this, and she did a pretty good job at it. But all the stress means we don't live terribly long. If something big happens it can just shatter us. Then everyone pulls together and works to keep up a half-ways normal life until another Speaker can be made and trained for the job.
Life became much more simple by now, a little house to take care of, garden, pets, making food, going shopping, cleaning up. Being retired (early, for medical reasons) finally brings the slow pace we need to get along without hurting ourselves. Maybe I can last another year or two like this, would be nice. Speakers are pretty similar, but not exactly the same. The first Speaker was way more obsessive than I am, ok, she also had way more on her plate. Merat, the one after her was good with the kids and very, very gentle. I am the third now and a bit more, hmm, "spunky" maybe. The little ones trust me, even when I gently tease them, something Merat would have never dared and first Speaker wouldn't ever have thought of doing, too serious. Things are becoming more relaxed, really more family and team than a bunch of strangers who happen to share a body.
